When, as you say, we can find those strengths, when we can give ourselves up in a trusting way and survive, then Puccini has lost and we have gained something more valuable than anything else that life can offer us.

I still love his works though even though a part of me has never forgiven him…maybe because of that.

And that knife…no it will always be here at my side. Strange that you should know that.

“Violetta keep your man locked up
Or like Cio-Cio you will end up
Burned by love or sickness.”

In the chorus he sings, “…why don’t you ladies/Believe me when I’m screaming/I always believe you.”

I think that last line nails what you refer to as Puccini’s trap. In Puccini faith is a certain path to destruction. That’s harsh. We all consider that possibility eventually, but it’s quite a load for a 14-year-old to bear. It’s not easy to give ourselves up completely to something the way we do when we’re children, once we know that we can be hurt. But once in a while when we manage it we find strengths in ourselves that we’d quite forgotten were ever there. Puccini tends not to go there.

I hope you realize that you never really lost that knife…