As I have remarked before on these pages, on a good drying day, our uniforms hang confrontationally on neighbouring washing lines.

One day we will gather our forces for that great scene from martial arts movies when opposing clubs compete for supremacy. The result won’t be just black and white I suspect.

In truth, we respect each other’s traditions and, when Harvey asked me to write a poem for Liz’s birthday, I decided that I would try to use a martial arts theme whilst attempting a portrait of Liz herself.

I hope she likes it but I would be pleased if it has some resonance for others too. here it is:

Oh yes, that For Sale sign is still there across the road on Ron’s shop but, Oakleys, the respected Lewes estate agents have promised that it will be down by tomorrow and I just have to believe them – they promised.

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Early morning taichi has become more difficut in my garden these days since the arrival of our new neighbours, well they are a few houses away but we are a close-knit bunch here in Lewes in the UK and our line of georgian terraced houses is as friendly a community as you could imagine. Well, in all honesty, I haven’t met the new humans yet but their cat has made herself very much at home in the neighbourhood…or should it be called “the hood” in cool cat jargon?

Back to my taichi practice before I drift too far from my point. Every morning at around seven o’clock, I do an hour’s martial arts practice, taichi, kungfu and chigong, before breakfast and, believe me,  it is a fine way to start the day. Up until now it is just me and my friends the spiders with the odd and obviously curious, over-flying crow. Yesterday, however, I was joined by a fellow mammal, the new cat on the block.

She hasn’t told me her name yet but I have it on good authority that she wants us to be friends and she shows her affection by winding her body round my legs whilst I try to do my intricate taichi footwork.
It might be mutual love but it sure looks ridiculous.

If this had the look of an embarassing hippy moment then it sounded like one too as the now more tentative movements were continued to an accompaniment of purring and the gentle tinkling of the bells on her collar.

Taichi over, I went on to my kungfu patterns whilst she investigated the kitchen sunroof looking for a place to bask in the morning heat. I think she is clever enough to know that kungfu and leg rubbing is a dangerous combination even for the cleverest of felines. the warm glass on my sunroof was much more to her taste.

She made a fine and slightly bizarre image when viewed from below in my kitchen.

Who knows where this new affection will lead us but at the moment we are just having fun and taking things day by day.

Wolfgang, what are you doing! Turning soft of all a sudden like this! You might even have to give up your vigilante duty with your Japanese water cannon. No, that will never happen. My new friend will have immunity from prosecution but those two large, unspeyed and intrusive tom cats are still bulls’ eyes waiting to be zapped.

Meanwhile my life will never be the same again – there is no more privacy, not even in the shower.

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