£500,000 to meet Prince Andrew? You must be kidding!

Those royal brides! What are they like! Well, I mean Sarah Ferguson of course, the so-called Duchess of York.

I don’t mean Diana who is now in Heaven with Mother Theresa, enough has been said about her already or Sophie, Countess of Wessex, whom I employed once in her pre-royal days as a PR consultant when she seemed like a perfectly nice woman on the verge of marrying a rather dull man, Prince Edward, the Queen’s youngest who is, as we have since found out, indeed, very dull. I bought her a half pint of Boddingtons bitter and toasted her engagement and I still wish her well.

Sarah Ferguson, though, does seem to have put her foot somewhere dark and smelly where it will be impossible to pull it out again. Amazing really that she told an undercover journalist that she would accept £500,000 to make introductions to her former husband, the Queen’s second son, Prince Andrew, Duke of York who is, don’t ask me why, a government official trade representative for the Middle East and Asia.


Oh yes, Sarah’s willingness to accept a back-hander is amazing, well slightly, too, she is a likeable tart at heart so we shouldn’t be that surprised by her willingness to do anything for a quick buck but what is this stuff about Prince Andrew being a trade envoy? That is the really amazing thing. We know that, in a family not known for its piercing intellectual grasp (apart from the impressive Monarch herself who should be an example to all her children and to the rest of us so don’t accuse me of being anti-her), he is the dumbest of the dumb and also the one who is most likely to run up bills and make unfortunate liaisons.

Why do we want him as a representative? What does he represent apart from the very worst side of thick, upper-crust English philistinism and greed? And how much trade has he rounded up I wonder?

I suppose, if it didn’t cost the nation very much (ho ho ho!), it would be fine to have having him boring for Britain in all those golf clubs in desert oil kingdoms but why, in God’s name, would anyone seriously want to fork out £500,000 to meet him?

So Sarah should accept the slap on the leg that she will undoubtedly receive for her “serious lapse in judgement” and recognise that lapses in her judgement, if not before, can be traced back to her unwise decision to accept the hand in marriage of one of this country’s most pompous, hollow and boring symbols.

If our new government are thinking seriously about constitutional reform, could they please think up a way of ditching Prince Andrew, the boring old Duke of York. If I had it, I would pay £500,000 never to see him again – Sarah could have the money too if she wants, I quite like her actually.


  1. I just heard about this this morning … and it was a good laugh! That's why we love the English! She's too much, and yet, somehow still likable!

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