Now I like to think of myself as being as cool as the next man – well as long as the next man is a computer nerd in a woolly hat and hush puppy slip-on shoes. So I was saddened when earlier this week I lost my most distinctively cool attribute. Yes, tempted by something I hardly ever eat, a chocolate covered toffee, how uncool is that, my much admired gold tooth came out on the first bite. Great, I thought, bankrupting dental charges, toothache and, worst of all, I could no longer think of myself as hip hop.
In case you didn’t realize this, gold teeth have become about as cool as it gets now that America’s Hip Hop aristocracy have given them true street-cred. Let’s not say gold teeth, they’re known as slugs, grillz, goldz, snatch outs, pull outs, caps or gold grills.
I wonder if Hip Hop artists eat toffees – if so I strongly advice against the habit.
I realize that I am struggling here to emulate those very cool guys but then my real ambition is, as some of you may already know, to become Jack Sparrow as seen in those wonderfully camp movies Pirates Of The Caribbean.
The gold teeth, sorry grillz, as demonstrated here by cool-in-his-own-way, Johnny Depp, are just perfect and, even though my gold tooth pre-dates the movies, I must have had a premonition of my future life as a dude that day over ten years ago sitting in the dentist’s chair discussing the possibilities with my very cool Nigerian dentist who sported a particularly fine example of grillz himself.
My fear, if I am honest, is that I may resemble the gentlemen below a lot more than Jack Sparrow or any of the above Hip Hoppers.
Undaunted though, I returned to the dentist today – not my Nigerian friend as he is now running a swish London Harley Street practice – but my splendid Lewes dentist who replaced my snatch out, my goldz (I suppose the singular of goldz is gold but that sounds boring) or should I say slug, and gave me back my cool with the help of just a little glue.
So here I am as cool as ever complete with my reinstated slug wondering if I should learn a few hip hop songs to complete the image.
Meanwhile, I’m getting into gear for the imminent publication (in October) of my novel, Stephen Dearsley’s Summer Of Love, the story of a young fogey living in Brighton in 1967 who has a lot to learn when the flowering hippie counter culture changes him and the world around him.
You can already pre-order the book from the publishers, Ward Wood Publishing:
…or from Book Depository:
…or from Amazon: