It will be two years tomorrow since I suffered a brain haemorrhage in my left frontal lobe and so today, I thought I should mark it in some way.
I was told, all that time ago, that I was lucky to be alive, lucky not to have suffered more brain damage but that it could take up to two years to heal.
The idea of those two years filled me with horror then and it has seemed a long time not being able to do all the things that I want to do.
I have had to rest more than I wanted, take more things easily than I wanted and, to be honest, had to be braver than I wanted.
Also, I have had to think about my life more than I expected. Realizing that I had a life-threatening condition forced me to take a long hard look at many things. I have put my life through a filter and, mostly, only stuck with the things that got through. No time left for pretentiousness or exaggerations I thought when listening to myself thinking or some of my friends talking. If it is at all possible, I decided, then I would try to be honest and direct about my thoughts and feelings and expect the same from others.
It has worked out much better than I ever dreamed. It has amazed me how much more relaxing and fulfilling life without bull-shit can be. If others had a problem with that then, I thought, in all humility (well as much as I could muster), then tough – we can all make our own decisions about how to spend the time allotted to us here.
There were times when I felt pretty depressed about my condition, annoyed with my haemorrhage-caused stammer and a few other physical manifestations of brain damage but I repeat, I have been very lucky. Not only have I lived and suffered less than I might have done but I have been given the opportunity to think about what I want out of life and to act on it.
So, tomorrow is “haemorrhage day” – it might have been my death day. What should I do to commemorate it? Nothing I have decided. I will be too busy going to a friend’s birthday party.
I will have another brain scan in January and, with a bit of luck, I will find out that the blood has finally cleared from my brain and that these two years really have seen me recover. Then I might have another party. Life really is worth celebrating.
Oh yes, if you were following the For Sale sign saga in yesterday’s blog. Did Oakleys, the respected Lewes estate agents take down their ghastly yellow and purple sign? Did they heck. We now enter the fifth week since I started getting their promises that it was going to happen. I wonder if they think it is a good advertisement having it up there for over two years and then keeping it there for two months after another agent sold the shop anyway. I think I will post this picture every day until they take down their sign.
Have a wonderful and liberating day tomorrow characteristically, I believe, celebrating someone else's achievement before your own.