John Terry has sinned – allegedly

It has been all shock horror in England this week as we reel with the news that the captain of the England football team, Mr John Terry has not been quite the gentleman that a very few innocent and naive people thought that he might have been.

In case our parochial sex scandals haven’t reached your shores yet, John Terry has been breaking some of those Ten Commandments and some people think that if you sin you have to go – as a football team captain that is.

Well the case for the moral police is strong. First of all he has been committing adultery when The Bible tells us all in plain(ish) language: “Thou shalt not commit adultery.” Woops John, gotcha there mate.

John on his wedding day

Now let’s, not be too harsh and give him the benefit of the doubt in some of the other commandments. I am assuming that he hasn’t killed anyone, that he isn’t a thief and that he honours his mum and dad and I shall forgive him (in my divine role as a blogger) for working on a Sunday as it would be quite difficult to pull out of the World Cup Final (sniggering at the idea of England in the final) if it happened to fall on a Sunday.

I suppose he is a bit dodgy in the worshipping of other Gods bit maybe. The good book says: “Thou shall have no gods before me.” Well, we are talking football here so when The Bible says “Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image….thou shalt not bow down to them, nor serve them,” what can the poor guy do about all those cups and trophies?

Men worshipping a well-known graven image.

So I will let him off that one too even if God’s poor grammar said: “I the Lord thy God am a jealous God.” Maybe that’s why we never seem to win the World Cup – if we weren’t sinners we would walk it every four years for sure.

And before you say it, I know that I am not quoting direct speech from the Almighty but Moses’ shorthand followed by the rolling phrases of the King James Bible but let’s not get too pedantic here.

So you haven’t been doing that well Mr. Terry, old lad, but the worse it yet to come. For The Bible says in funny old fashioned words: “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor an thing that is thy neighbour’s.”

Well you are in dead stuck here mate. As our newspapers have been telling us, John Terry has been having an affair with one of his team mate’s chattels. He has been seen leaving the house of one Vanessa Perroncel, the partner of England defender Wayne Bridge and, we are told provocatively, a French swimwear model.

Vanessa Perroncel at work

Now, from what the papers imply, M’s Perroncel is Mr Bridge’s property and so Mr Terry had no right to be coveting her. Just as he should leave Wayne Bridge’s ass, ox and manservant well-alone too. So be warned John. You are in trouble mate.

Wayne Bridge with his girlfriend Vanessa Perroncel

No one seems to have asked Mlle Perroncel what she thinks – maybe it is obvious though.

As I write the English nation is calling for Mr Terry’s blood. How can the captain of our great football team carry on in his job if he has nicked one of his mate’s girlfriends? It is fair enough for the last Conservative Prime Minister to have an affair with his Health Minister whilst preaching family values but a footballer? with a model? Now that is going too far surely.

I am not concerned so much about Mr Terry’s morals – let’s leave that to his wife and, I assume Wayne Bridge – go on Wayne punch him on the nose like a gentlemen, sir. No, I think he has committed a much worse offence than the breaking of those commandments.

Mr Terry allegedly leaving Mademoiselle Perroncel’s house

It’s that woolly hat. Now come on, guys, I know it has been a bit cold of late and I know not all men have to act big and tough these days but really. I am afraid I have now officially had enough of those long woolly beanies which make grown men look as if their mothers have just told them that they aren’t going out unless they wrap up warm. Do we really think we can win the World Cup with an attitude like that? I think, John Terry, you know the answer there.

And Vannessa, have you really swapped Wayne Bridge for John Terry? Look again mademoiselle. At least Mr Bridge dresses like a grown-up.

Wayne Bridge