Lewes wins gold: Elton John’s mum cleans out his bedroom – at last.

Mother and Son

Twin Brothers

It is all kicking off in Lewes today, you might not realize it if you look outside, no, not much going on out there it seems.


Just wait for six o’clock tonight though,  the Lewes Bonfire processions on November 5th. will have nothing on this. our local auction house, Gorringe’s is having its sale of the century. Not only are they selling letters from the infamous murdering bullies the Kray Twins (“Yeah then I  booted him in the ‘ead  and kicked him to death, mate”) but they are also including in the sale, the results of Elton John’s mum’s house clearance*.
*This blog is not making any implied comparison between the highly respected but follicly challenged popular vocalist or his revered spring-cleaning mother with the murdering mobsters from London’s east end, known as the Kray Twins. Gorringe’s have not informed us of any connection between them and I am sure that the Kray Twins never wrote to Elton’s mum. Hmm…I wonder, could Elton be Elton Kray? No, of course not.
I can imagined the blood-stained letters from the mobster twins with their sensitive view of life in London in the 1960s but I was less sure about Elton’s mother’s horde. What would any normal mum find up there in her son’s old bedroom? Is there really a market for those dirty socks under the bed with the, er, much thumbed magazines, a dried up tube of acne cream at the back of a drawer, a deflated football and a few incomplete plastic models of Battle of Britain aircraft? I can imagine her wanting a jolly good clear out now that she has decided to move to a smaller place by the seaside here in Sussex. After-all Elton is a grown-up now with his own place, or places, so he won’t be needing the spare room or any of those old pin up posters on his bedroom wall. 
It came as a bit of a disappointment to me though to look at Gorringe’s auction catalogue. No, there is nothing very interesting there I suspect.
Just a few hundred gold and platinum dics for recordings like Goodbye Yellow Brick Road and A Candle In The Wind……..






Gold

Platinum

I have never been bothered by those framed gold discs, not that I have ever won any, but I don’t see the point of hanging up other people’s achievements on my wall any more than I would walk around with some dead hero’s bravery medal on my chest. So I won’t be bidding for them even if it would help Elton’s mum if she got rid of them. Just imagine all the dusting! Come on Elton, what were you thinking when you gave your mum all your awards? The poor woman has become a slave to Mr Sheen polish.

There are two nice suits up for sale though and I am sorely tempted to own at least one of these. Presumably he left them in his wardrobe along with his broken skateboard. I just can’t make up my mind if the purple or the gold would suit me best. There is though, don’t you think, something slightly, er, unflattering about the shape. I assume they were tailor-made….poor Elton, he was never athletic.

Now these baseball caps should go well…..ideal for distinguished rock enthusiasts like our foreign secretary William Haig who does, let’s face it,  have a touch of the Elton Johns about him. I think one of them would suit Mr David Cameron too and give him that ordinary ‘Just call me Dave” look that he wants so much. They might not be quite cool enough for Preisdent Obama though but they would look great on Vladimir Putin.

I can see why Elton’s mum is ditching all this stuff but I am worried about the rest. What has he done wrong if she is also chucking out his old autograph books, awww, come on Mum, you must have room for them somewhere.

And all those backstage passes, don’t you love him any more then? He always made sure you came to his gigs and never got embarrassed having mum turn up all the time. How can you get rid of them?

And have you checked through this mysterious box labelled “miscellaneous memorabilia”? Now, really, if you are not curious, then I am.

I hope Elton won’t be all upset when he comes home for Christmas and finds that you have got rid of his stuff and filled the house with a load of Kray Brothers letters. Now, come on Sheila, make it up with your naughty son, he loves you really. And what was the Kray Twin connection?

4 Comments

  1. Love it! Maybe there is a fortune to be had in my son's room too!

    I think there is something particular about collectors – like a special gene for it. My brother collects other people's medals but I just don't get it myself.I'd certainly not be interested in bidding!

    You should go for the gold suit though 😉

  2. OK Bridge, the gold one it is….but the price would have to be right and you would have to promise that it wouldn't just make me look a prat!

  3. With the right tie you'd be… well, you'd be shiney anyway!

  4. Would I look like Nick Clegg?

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