My reading list of unsuitable books

I am waiting for a new book to be delivered – it’s irritating when you have just finished your old one and you are not sure if you should hang on one more day for the postman or if you should start something else and then find the book you want to read arriving the next day. So many problems I know when you just want to spend some down time with a good yarn!

Well, that book still hasn’t arrived so I thought I would have a look through some old and, as yet, unread titles from my trash pile.

I don’t think even Lorraine Peterson’s Anybody Can Be Cool can left me into that elite circle and if the guy on the cover is anything to go by, I think I would rather stay as I am. Awesome is tempting though….hmm…I wonder.

Now this is promising if you aren’t squeamish…

…handy in an emergency perhaps but I wouldn’t advice putting it in your back pocket if you are going down the pub. It’s not really very likely that I would put a sign on my front door advertising this even if I did learn how to do it.

The next book could be taken the wrong way if you were seen reading it on the bus too.

I wonder how quickly that mind power works – it would be embarrassing if you could get your breasts to grow enormous in seconds….supposing you used too much mind power, could you use a little less and reduce them a bit? Could you use mind power to increase the size of other people’s breasts too? Only wondering. Actually I don’t want to have big breasts, honestly.

Maybe I should read this one…

I know a few pets and a load of people I wouldn’t mind building one of these for – I’d be tempted to go around with a tape measure just in case.

It would be a handy read too if the next book didn’t work.

A horse coffin would be something you would have to build to I suspect but this might be even less useful than the gynecology book as I don’t have a horse – actually I don’t have even a hint of an inkling for either.

now this one is a non-starter….well it’s obvious isn’t it….

….just get out of the way or, better still, don’t ever go out in a little boat.

The next book is out of the question too – it is just disgusting…..yuck….just imagine!

I assume the next one is action-packed porn….

The cover guy doesn’t look like much of a double penetrator. The two people behind him don’t look too thrilled by the idea either. Maybe it’s the moustache that’s putting them off.

Now if it has to be porn, the next one might be a better read….

If the innocent young woman on the cover, the one with the plunging neckline and no knickers, is looking for a husband who isn’t just after a good time, then maybe she should move her knee away from his crotch. I blame it all on her mother of course…just look at the way she’s smoking that cigarette –  the slut.

I think I will choose White Trash though because I want to find out about the mother and there is only one book left on my pile.  I sure ain’t going to read this:

Hang on a minute, is that the postman?

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