So I stay here at home waiting for that call to hospital.
I have been warned to watch out for any new symptoms which could mean going to casualty.
It is a strange experience studying your own brain…..your thoughts and sensations, on a regular basis.
It could drive much saner folk than me mad.
What do I feel?
It is such a difficult thing to define.
Concussed, I reckon. Like I have been hit on the head. I did it in a swimming pool once, in a kung fu sparring match, and many other times out of sheer clumsiness.
Now, it is difficult to analyse. Is it worse today than yesterday? How much of it is imagination?
Underneath the wooziness, giddiness, concussedness, I am lucky. I am just fine. Happy, lively even and just a bit concerned.
Other people have this problem too, of course, but without the happiness.
How do I feel? They must think that too.
The bereaved families of the Northern Ireland victims, assembled in a Hotel yesterday to hear two good men trying to come up with a healing solution to so many years of violence. They had some good ideas but also made a big mistake.
£12,000 per victim in compensation….the terrorist’s widow, equal to the children of parents bombed on an innocent shopping trip.
How do they feel? Can they put the hatred, despair, sense of loss behind them?
Like me, they must carry a strangely ill-defined feeling in their heads. Certainly the £12000 will do no good. It will do ill in fact….money has no place here and it is doubly destructive in putting an equal sum to murderer and victim.
Nothing will take away the pain of course but this ill-conceived idea will harden hearts, open wounds and move everyone further away from peace.
All the victims deserve sympathy, they all carry those wounds in their heads but lets not put a price on that kind of suffering.
I hope to find a cure in the hands of doctors, let these suffering victims find a cure for their hatred, vengefulness and anger. The wounds in their heads will not heal until then.