Gavin the young plantsman delivered a camellia yesterday afternoon. I had always planned to have one in the new garden because one of the saddest things about moving from my old house was leaving behind a giant, promiscuously flowering specimen…
What shall we spend £10 million on this week? I know, let’s fill London with policemen and turn those anti-G20 demonstrations into a battle. For those who don’t know, we in the UK are going to have a week of…
Is it niddering mansuetude to embrangle olid, griseous recrement and should we be oppugnant and fatidical by exuviating the malison; vilpending these words worn out by their own caducity? (Is it cowardly mildness to confuse foul-smelling, somewhat grey dross and…
I have been invited to a fancy dress party on Saturday and if I am well enough on the day, I intend to go. The theme is James Bond so the choice is endless. I don’t see myself as Mr.…
Nothing like a good lavatorial joke to make its impact or to bring public figures down to earth. It is said that if you ever feel over-awed by anyone in authority, take Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II for example, you…
I wondered yesterday how many people’s last thoughts would have been “oh shit!” There was a scene in that excellent and taboo challenging American TV series, Six Feet Under when one of the central characters was driving through town, on…
I saw the morning light one day last week and thought I would go for a walk with my camera before breakfast. This might seem unremarkable to all you healthy people out there but to me, that morning, it was…
When Shakespeare wanted to move his action on in The Winter’s Tale, he asked us to join him in a joke…a Shakespearean joke that is, don’t expect to split your sides. A minor character, Antigonus, a Lord of Sicilia, has…
I was looking whimsically at my Rollerblades the other day. Battered, well-worn but dusty, they are sitting in the loft unloved and abandoned. I have made one of those promises, you know the sort, where in a moment of duress…
So here’s a quiz. Write down the answers to these questions – in a simple single sentence please. Why were the following wars fought? 1) 1st World War 2) 2nd World War 3) Vietnam War 4) Iraq War 5) War…